“We Agree and Now Everything Goes My Way”: Consensual Sexual Nonmonogamy, Extradyadic Sex, and Relationship Satisfaction

A Narrative Review of the Dichotomy Between the Social Views of Non-Monogamy and the Experiences of Consensual Non-Monogamous People

Monogamy is deeply rooted in most Western societies, shaping how people construe and behave in romantic relationships. These normative views facilitate the emergence of negative perceptions and evaluations when people choose not to adhere to mononormativity. Even though people in consensual non-monogamous (CNM) relationships are targets of stigmatization, research shows a dichotomy between these negative views and the relational experiences of CNM people. Indeed, people in CNM and monogamous relationships have comparable relationship functioning and quality and struggle with similar relationship problems. One of the differences is that CNM relationships afford people to explore their sexuality and fulfill their needs with multiple partners, without agreed-upon extradyadic behavior being perceived as infidelity or having deleterious consequences to relationship maintenance. These positive experiences notwithstanding, CNM people are continuously pressured by mononormativity and stigmatization, increasing the risk of internalized CNM negativity and worse personal and relational outcomes. One possible way to counteract CNM stigmatization and improve the lives of CNM people is by changing discourses surrounding non-monogamy and improving acceptance, not only in professional settings but also in the general population. Another strategy is to understand how the relationship beliefs and scripts of younger generations can help promote more inclusive and diverse societies.

Polygamous Interest in a Mononormative Nation: The Roles of Sex and Sociosexuality in Polygamous Interest in a Heterosexual Sample from the UK

Polygamy is a form of "one-sided" consensually non-monogamous relationship where one person has multiple committed partners, each of whom is only involved with that one person. It was likely a reoccurring feature of ancestral mating that posed adaptive problems for our ancestors. Yet polygamy, and multi-partnering more generally, is understudied in Western cultures, raising questions about the existence of polygamous interest and whether this is calibrated adaptively to personal conditions. In two studies, we examined polygamous interest in two heterosexual online samples from the UK. In Study 1 (N = 393), modest interest was found for polygamous relationships overall. Men were six times more open to polygyny than women, but there was little sex difference in openness to polyandry. Further analysis revealed that all forms of multi-partnering were undesirable relative to singlehood and monogamy; however, consensual multi-partner relationships were less undesirable than non-consensual ones. Sex differences were largest for polygyny and arrangements where men had agreed access to a casual partner alongside a committed one, yet these were two of the most acceptable forms of multi-partnering when men and women's responses were combined. Sociosexuality positively predicted interest in most forms of multi-partnering. Study 2 (N = 735) focused on polygyny and added status-linked traits as predictors. The results of Study 1 were broadly replicated, though the status-linked traits did not predict polygynous interest specifically. Instead, sociosexuality and male intrasexual competitiveness uniquely predicted general interest in multi-partner relationships. Overall, interest in polygamy appears to emerge despite social discouragement and sex differences in interest track the relative costs and benefits associated with it. However, there is no strong evidence that polygamous interest is uniquely calibrated to personal conditions when compared to other forms of multi-partnering.

Personality and Mating Orientations in Monogamy and Consensual Non-Monogamy in Young Spanish University Students

Consensual non-monogamy (CNM) is a non-normative relationship that can generally be defined as relationships in which the involved individuals have openly agreed that they can have other sexual and/or affective partners. Despite growing interest in CNM, little research has been conducted regarding characteristics of the involved individuals, as well as comparing CNM individuals and monogamous individuals' characteristics. Expanding this research is important, as CNM constitutes a sizeable minority group, and CNM individuals and relationships are subject to stigma and dehumanization. The present study compared CNM and monogamous individuals in terms of personality (including "dark" personality) and mating orientations (sociosexuality and long-term mating) in young Spanish university students. Main results indicated that CNM individuals did not differ much in personality nor were they prone to higher "dark" personality traits when compared to monogamous individuals. Regarding mating orientations, CNM individuals were prone to higher sociosexuality levels and lower levels of long-term mating. Interestingly, results showed positive correlations between sociosexuality and "dark" personality in monogamous individuals, but not in CNM individuals. In conclusion, young Spanish university CNM individuals seem to be more pro-sex than monogamous people and less committed to the romantic love narrative of long-term mating, but these individuals were not more untrustworthy, self-centered, ruthless, or malevolent. Results were also discussed regarding their implications in the stigma and dehumanization of CNM people.

A Blended Cognitive–Behavioral Intervention for the Treatment of Postpartum Depression: A Case Study

Postpartum depression is a highly prevalent mental health problem with harmful consequences for women, babies, and mother–infant relationships. Cognitive–behavioral therapy (CBT) is among the most effective treatment options for postpartum depression. However, a large number of postpartum women do not seek professional help, suggesting the need for new treatment delivery formats. The present article describes the application of Be a Mom Coping with Depression, a blended CBT treatment for postpartum depression, for a 31-year-old postpartum woman. The intervention was provided over a period of 13 weeks, integrating seven biweekly sessions with a psychologist and six sessions within an online program, and it is described in detail. A summary of the patient’s progress and the results obtained throughout treatment is reported. At the end of the intervention, a significant decrease in depressive and anxiety symptoms was observed, as well as increased perceived maternal self-efficacy, higher psychological flexibility, and higher self-compassion. This case study provides encouraging data for the preliminary evidence of the acceptability, feasibility, and efficacy of the Be a Mom Coping with Depression intervention in the reduction of depressive symptoms during the postpartum period. Advantages of this treatment format and implications for clinical practice and future research are discussed.

BDSM: Does it Hurt or Help Sexual Satisfaction, Relationship Satisfaction, and Relationship Closeness?

This national web-population study from Norway (N = 4,148) assessed 1) the prevalence of BDSM and role-play interests and behaviors, 2) the socio-demographic characteristics of the BDSM-oriented participants, and 3) the associations between a) BDSM and b) role-play interests and behaviors, and sexual satisfaction, relationship satisfaction, and relationship closeness. Over one in three study participants endorsed at least one BDSM interest or behavior variable. There were no gender nor educational level differences between the BDSM-oriented participants and their traditional "vanilla" (non-BDSM-oriented) counterparts, though BDSM and interests were more common among younger and self-identified LGBQ+ participants. Sexual satisfaction was positively associated with role-play and BDSM behaviors while interest in role-play (but not having previously engaged in it) was negatively associated with this outcome. Lower relationship closeness was associated with an interest in role-play (but not having tried it). No BDSM-related variables were significantly associated with relationship closeness. The findings suggest that BDSM interests and behaviors are relatively common and are linked with sexual and relationship satisfaction.

Non-consensual and Consensual Non-monogamy in Norway

The paper sets out to study Norwegians' experiences of non-monogamy. Data were collected by questionnaires in a web sample of 4160 Norwegians (18-89 years). 26.3% of men and 17.8% of women reported that they ever had non-consensual non-monogamy. Consensual non-monogamy was reported by 3%. Compared to participants with no or non-consensual experience, consensual non-monogamy was highly related to relationship intimacy and positive sexual attitudes toward sex and sexuality. At the most recent extradyadic event, 21.5% of heterosexual men and 47.1% of gay/bisexual men reported condom use, which implies a risk for sexually transmitted diseases.

What Drives the Dehumanization of Consensual Non-Monogamous Partners?

We built upon a recent study by Rodrigues, Fasoli, Huic, and Lopes (2018) by investigating potential mechanisms driving the dehumanization of consensual non-monogamous (CNM) partners. Using a between-subjects experimental design, we asked 202 Portuguese individuals (158 women; Mage = 29.17, SD = 9.97) to read the description of two partners in a monogamous, open, or polyamorous relationship, and to make a series of judgments about both partners. Results showed the expected dehumanization effect, such that both groups of CNM partners (open and polyamorous) were attributed more primary (vs. secondary) emotions, whereas the reverse was true for monogamous partners. Moreover, results showed that the dehumanization effect was driven by the perception of CNM partners as less moral and less committed to their relationship. However, these findings were observed only for individuals with unfavorable (vs. favorable) attitudes toward CNM relationship. Overall, this study replicated the original findings and extended our understanding of why people in CNM relationships are stigmatized.

Sexual Attitudes, Erotophobia, and Sociosexual Orientation Differ Based on Relationship Orientation

Consensual nonmonogamy (CNM) is an overarching term for relationship orientations that differ based on the degree to which consensual sexual and emotional needs are fulfilled outside of a dyad. Despite the diversity of CNM relationship orientations and growing research examining CNM, it is unclear whether the sexual attitudes, inclination to approach/avoid sexual stimuli (i.e., erotophobia-erotophilia), and sociosexuality differ among individuals who identify with distinct CNM relationships. Further, as the agreements made in CNM relationships permit extradyadic relationships, important differences might emerge for CNM and monogamous individuals. A convenience sample (N = 641) of individuals who self-identified as monogamous (n = 447), open (n = 80), polyamorous (n = 62), or swinger (n = 52) provided ratings of their sexual attitudes, erotophobia-erotophilia, and sociosexuality. Results indicated that swingers had the most permissive and instrumental attitudes, were the most erotophilic, and were the most unrestricted sexually. Conversely, monogamists scored the lowest on these traits. No differences emerged between relationship orientations for attitudes toward communion and birth control. These findings have important implications for sexuality research because they reinforce the view that some underlying differences and similarities exist between monogamous and CNM individuals.

Romantic Jealousy: A Test of Social Cognitive and Evolutionary Models in A Population-Representative Sample of Adults

Whereas sexually dimorphic evolutionary models argue for clear sex differences in responses to jealousy-evoking scenarios, social cognitive models emphasize the importance of other factors. This paper explores variables associated with responses to a commonly-used jealousy-evoking scenario in a population-representative sample. Data from 8,386 Australian men and women aged 16-69 were weighted to match the population. The results provided some support for evolutionary models among heterosexual respondents, but findings contrary to evolutionary models were found among non-heterosexual respondents. Support for social cognitive models was provided by the identification of six variables that had significant independent multivariate associations with jealousy: sex, age, education, lifetime number of partners, relationship status, and attitudes toward infidelity. The results suggest that although men and women may tend to respond differently to sexual or emotional infidelity scenarios, the anticipated experience of jealousy in each context is strongly influenced by biographical and cultural factors.

Delineating the Boundaries Between Nonmonogamy and Infidelity: Bringing Consent Back Into Definitions of Consensual Nonmonogamy With Latent Profile Analysis

To gain insight into the mixed findings surrounding Consensual Nonmonogamy (CNM), this study developed the Triple-C model of commitment, conceptualizing relationship structures with three key dimensions: mutual consent, communication, and comfort. Latent profile analyses in an online sample (N = 1,658) identified five classes of relationship structures: two monogamous groups (68%; representing earlier- and later-stage relationships), CNM relationships (7.7%, marked by low interest in monogamy and high levels of mutual consent, comfort, and communication around commitment and EDSA), partially-open relationships (13%, with more mixed attitudes toward monogamy and lower consent, comfort, and communication), and one-sided EDSA relationships (11%, in which one partner desires monogamy while the other partner engages in EDSA with low levels of mutual consent, comfort, and communication). The monogamous and CNM groups demonstrated high levels of relationship and individual functioning, whereas the partially-open and one-sided nonmonogamous groups demonstrated lower functioning. These findings highlight the diversity of nonmonogamy that likely exists within self-report classifications like "swingers" and "open relationships," providing a possible explanation for the mixed findings in previous work. Decision tree analyses identified a 4-item algorithm (COMMIT4) that classifies individuals into these groups with 93% accuracy, offering a tool for incorporating relationship structure diversity in future work.

Extradyadic Behaviors and Gender: How Do They Relate With Sexual Desire, Relationship Quality, and Attractiveness

Recent years have seen an increasing number of studies on relationship extradyadic behaviors (Pinto and Arantes, 2016; Pazhoohi et al., 2017; Silva et al., 2017; Fisher, 2018). However, much is still to learn about the impact of these extradyadic behaviors on subsequent relationships that an individual may have. Our main goal was to study the association between past extradyadic behaviors – inflicted and suffered – and current relationship quality, sexual desire and attractiveness. Specifically, we aimed to: (i) Understand if past extradyadic behaviors are related to current relationship quality, sexual desire, and self-perceived and partner’s attractiveness; (ii) Identify possible gender differences in these variables. For that, 364 participants (251 females and 113 males) were recruited through personal and institutional e-mails, online social networks (e.g., Facebook), and the website of the Evolutionary Psychology Group from the University of Minho. All participants completed a demographic and relationship questionnaire, followed by questions related to extradyadic behaviors and self-perceived attractiveness, the Perceived Relationship Quality Components (PRQC) Inventory, the Sex Drive Scale (SDQ), and the Importance of Partner’s Physical Attractiveness Scale (IPPAS). For those currently involved in a relationship, results suggested that extradyadic behaviors (both suffered or inflicted) are linked with current low relationship quality and high sexual desire in the present. In addition, individuals who perceived themselves as being more attractive tended to have a higher sexual desire and higher relationship quality. Overall, men reported higher levels of extradyadic behaviors and sexual desire, gave more importance to physical attractiveness, and perceived their current relationship as having less quality than women. These results add to the literature by focusing on different variables that play an important role in romantic relationships, and have important implications.

Life History and Multi-Partner Mating: A Novel Explanation for Moral Stigma Against Consensual Non-monogamy

Life history theory (LHT) predicts that individuals vary in their sexual, reproductive, parental, familial, and social behavior according to the physical and social challenges imposed upon them throughout development. LHT provides a framework for understanding why non-monogamy may be the target of significant moral condemnation: individuals who habitually form multiple romantic or sexual partnerships may pursue riskier, more competitive interpersonal strategies that strain social cooperation. We compared several indices of life history (i.e., the Mini-K, the High-K Strategy Scale, pubertal timing, sociosexuality, disease avoidance, and risk-taking) between individuals practicing monogamous and consensually non-monogamous (CNM) romantic relationships. Across several measures, CNM individuals reported a faster life history strategy than monogamous individuals, and women in CNM relationships reported earlier pubertal development. CNM individuals also reported more social and ethical risk-taking, less aversion to germs, and greater interest in short-term mating (and less interest in long-term mating) than monogamous individuals. From these data, we discuss a model to explain how moral stigma toward non-monogamy evolved and how these attitudes may be mismatched to the modern environment. Specifically, we argue that the culture of sexual ethics that pervades contemporary CNM communities (e.g., polyamory, swinging) may attenuate risky interpersonal behaviors (e.g., violent intrasexual competition, retributive jealousy, partner/child abandonment, disease transmission) that are relatively more common among those who pursue multi-partner mating.

Sociosexual Attitudes and Quality of Life in (Non)Monogamous Relationships: The Role of Attraction and Constraining Forces Among Users of the Second Love Web Site

Research has typically shown that unrestricted sociosexuality is negatively associated with relationship quality and that relationship quality is positively associated with quality of life (QoL). However, these findings may be restricted to individuals in monogamous relationships, especially those with prior extradyadic interactions (i.e., non-consensual non-monogamous; NCNM). Indeed, individuals in consensual non-monogamous (CNM) relationships have more unrestricted sociosexuality and are also more satisfied with and committed to their relationships. Still, little research has examined whether both relationship agreements are associated differently with attraction forces (wanting to be) and constraining forces (having to be) in the relationship and how they are related to QoL. We conducted a cross-sectional study with 373 heterosexuals (73.2% men, M_age = 41.15, SD = 10.18) registered on Second Love, a dating Web site for romantically involved individuals. Results showed differences in the hypothesized model, according to relationship agreement. For individuals in CNM relationships, unrestricted sociosexuality was associated with stronger attraction forces, which were then associated with greater QoL. The opposite pattern was found for those in NCNM relationships. Furthermore, and regardless of relationship agreement, unrestricted sociosexuality was associated with weaker constraining forces, which were associated with greater QoL. These results make a novel contribution to the literature on relationship agreements and how they relate to QoL.

Perceived sexual self-control and condom use with primary and casual sex partners: age and relationship agreement differences in a Portuguese sample

OBJECTIVE

Consistent condom use is still not ideal. Research showed that perceived sexual self-control is associated with greater likelihood of using condoms. However, this association seems to vary according to age and relationship agreement (i.e. non-consensual non-monogamy, NCNM vs. consensual non-monogamy, CNM).

DESIGN

Cross-sectional study with 307 heterosexual users of a dating web site for romantically involved individuals (81.8% men; M_age = 42.24, SD = 9.65, range: 23-76 years). All individuals were in a romantic relationship (M_length = 13.47 years, SD = 9.39).

MEASURES

Demographic information, perceived sexual self-control, condom use frequency (casual sex partners; primary partner in the last 3 months) and relationship agreement.

RESULTS

Independently of relationship agreement, perceived sexual self-control was positively associated with condom use frequency with casual sex partners among younger and middle age participants, but not older ones (>49 years). Regarding the primary partner, a similar pattern emerged for CNM participants. In contrast, no significant association between perceived sexual self-control and condom use frequency with the primary partner emerged for NCNM individuals, regardless of age.

CONCLUSION

Our findings can inform evidence-based strategies to promote consistent condom use as an effective behaviour to prevent sexually transmitted infections, especially among older and NCNM individuals.

Motivations for Sexual Behavior and Intentions to Use Condoms: Development of the Regulatory Focus in Sexuality Scale

Despite recurrent efforts to prevent sexually transmitted diseases through the use of condoms, HIV infections are still prevalent across Europe. Recent research framed by the regulatory focus theory has shown that prevention (vs. promotion)-focused individuals are more likely to adopt strategies to protect their health. Therefore, these individuals should also be more motivated to use condoms, because they are more likely to perceive greater health threats. In two cross-sectional preregistered studies (combined N = 520 Portuguese participants; databases available at https://doi.org/10.17605/osf.io/zzkc2 ), we developed the new Regulatory Focus in Sexuality scale (Study 1), and tested if the association between prevention focus and intentions to use condoms was mediated by the perception of health threat (Study 2). Results from Study 1 suggested that the scale is reliable and valid. Results from Study 2 showed, as expected, that a predominant focus on prevention was associated with more condom use intentions with casual and regular sexual partners, because individuals perceived greater threat to their health. Additional exploratory analyses further showed that this mediation occurred only for individuals without a romantic relationship and was independent of how salient the condom use norm was. In contrast, for romantically involved individuals, there was no evidence for the mediation by perceived health threat. Instead, a predominant focus on prevention was positively associated with condom use intentions with the regular partner, but only when the condom use norm was more salient. Taken together, these results emphasize the importance of examining individual motivations for safe sex practices.

Sexual Agreements: A Scoping Review of Measurement, Prevalence and Links to Health Outcomes

A sexual agreement is a mutual understanding between two partners regarding sexual and relational behaviors both within and outside of their relationship. Sexual agreements have been central to research and programming efforts around HIV prevention, primarily for male couples. A comprehensive scoping review of the primary literature on sexual agreements, including negotiated safety, was performed to identify what is known about sexual agreements among couples (n = 66). Results indicate a wide range of prevalence of agreements and measurements used to characterize sexual agreements. Findings also report associations between sexual agreements and health and relational outcomes. Several knowledge gaps were identified; specifically, the need to expand sexual agreements research beyond MSM populations and the need to better understand agreement breaks, break disclosure, and how variation in agreement categorization may impact reported prevalence. This review demonstrates the importance of broadening the evidence-base of sexual agreements research and programmatic focus.

Caught in a "Bad Romance"? Reconsidering the Negative Association Between Sociosexuality and Relationship Functioning

Sociosexuality refers to individual differences in interest and willingness to engage in sexual activity without an emotional connection. Unrestricted sociosexuality is associated with a greater likelihood of infidelity and with poorer relationship quality. However, previous research has failed to examine relationship-specific characteristics that may moderate these findings. Two studies of romantically involved adults examined whether relationship commitment and different relationship agreement types moderate the associations between unrestricted sociosexuality and infidelity. Study 1 (N = 300) showed that individuals in consensual monogamous (CM) relationships with extradyadic sex (EDS) experiences were more sociosexually unrestricted than individuals without such experiences. The positive association between unrestricted sociosexuality and EDS emerged only for less, but not more, committed individuals. Study 2 (N = 270) replicated these results. Furthermore, results showed that individuals in consensual nonmonogamous relationships (CNM) relationships were the most sociosexually unrestricted, but no differences emerged in relationship commitment or satisfaction, when compared to individuals in CM relationships without prior EDS. Individuals in CM relationship with prior EDS were the least committed and satisfied. The negative association between unrestricted sociosexuality and both relationship quality indicators emerged for all individuals in CM relationships, but it was nonsignificant for individuals in CNM relationships. Implications are discussed.