When Parents Separate and One Parent 'Comes Out' as Lesbian, Gay or Bisexual: Sons and Daughters Engage with the Tension that Occurs When Their Family Unit Changes

Coming-Out Experiences of Irish Gay Fathers Who Have Been Heterosexually Married: An Interpretative Phenomenological Analysis

This study explores how Irish gay fathers, who married heterosexually in a heteronormative culture, assumed a settled gay identity in the Republic of Ireland. A purposive sample of nine men reflected on their experiences of marriage and separation, assuming a gay identity, and social and familial connectivity. Interpretative phenomenological analysis (IPA) indicated the suppression of gay sexual desires before marriage as a result of cultural homophobia. The coming-out process continued during the participants' marriage. Extramarital same-gender sexual desires and/or transgressions co-occurred with existential conflict (remorse) and resulted in marital separation. The marital and family loss was experienced as traumatic, and suicidal ideation occurred for most. All the men assumed an openly gay identity after separating. Many established a family-orientated same-gender repartnership. Results highlight the individuality and significance of the marital and family loss for those who separate after coming out as gay.

The female spouse: A process of separation when a husband 'comes out' as gay

This study investigated the stories of heterosexual women who experienced a husband coming out as gay and a consequential marital separation. Interpretative phenomenological analysis (IPA) was used. Loss, anger, spousal empathy and concerns regarding societal prejudice were reported. Additional stress was experienced when others minimised the experience due to the gay sexual orientation of their husband. Experiencing positive communication with their husband during and after the disclosure aided the resolution of the emotional injury experienced by them. They all eventually 'let go' of their husband. This involved a process of reconceptualising the self as separated. Findings indicate the importance of supporting women to re-focus on their needs during and following marital dissolution. The importance of non-judgemental support for marital loss, rather than a focus on the gay sexual orientation of the spouse, was highlighted.