Young women's descriptions of sexual desire in long-term relationships

How Feminist Heterosexual Men Navigate Their Sexual Desire While Following Feminist Principles

Feminist considerations have influenced how women and men view sex, affecting not only women's perspectives but also men's feelings about sexual desire with regard to gender equity. This might be especially the case among men who self-identify as feminist. However, how men should manage their sexual desire or communicate about it within relationships with women is not always clear in this evolving social climate. Thus, the current study aimed to explore the successes and/or struggles feminist heterosexual men experience while navigating their desires alongside feminist considerations. To explore this, we recruited feminist-identified heterosexual men in long-term relationships. We asked participants (N = 30) a series of questions regarding their sexual desire, considering the context of their long-term relationships and evolving gender norms, during a one-on-one interview via Zoom. Using thematic analysis, we identified 11 themes from the interview data. We found that, though the feminist men in this study were all aware of negative societal perceptions of heterosexual men's sexual desire, most men in this study did not feel conflicts between their feminist principles and their own sexual desires. This is because they reported already following feminist principles; those who felt ambivalent navigated this by communicating with their partners. Findings demonstrate the usefulness and positive impact men report feminism having on them, their sexuality, and their long-term relationships, by allowing them to better engage with their sexuality and partners.

The Role of Dyadic Sexual Desire Similarity in Predicting Sexual Behaviors in Cohabitating Couples: An Ecological Momentary Assessment Study

Although researchers are increasingly paying attention to the dyadic nature of sexual desire and its relevance to sexual and relational outcomes, our understanding of how sexual desire operates on a couple level and how it may influence the occurrence of sexual activity in relationships remains limited. This study used ecological momentary assessments to explore to what extent similarity in levels of desire for sex with one's sexual partner, or dyadic sexual desire, was associated with sexual initiations, receptivity to one's partner's initiations, and partnered sexual activity, and how these associations were moderated by perceived partner support. Ninety-four cohabitating couples (M age = 26.30, SD = 7.60) provided six reports a day for 10 consecutive days. We used response surface analysis to examine the associations among both the degree and direction of (dis)similarity in partners' dyadic desire and each of the three outcome variables. Our results revealed that although partners tended to experience similar levels of desire on a moment-to-moment basis, similarity in desire levels was not associated with the three outcome variables. Rather, higher desire within couples predicted each partner's behavioral outcomes. At lower levels of perceived partner support, dyadic sexual desire was negatively associated with women's receptivity to sexual initiations by their partners, indicating high context-sensitivity of women's sexual responding. These findings offer new insights into the links between the similarity in partners' levels of dyadic desire and sexual behaviors in couples, suggesting the need for increased focus on maintaining desire and promoting perceived partner support in clinical practice.

Sexual Satisfaction Mediates the Effects of the Quality of Dyadic Sexual Communication on the Degree of Perceived Sexual Desire Discrepancy

Difficulties related to sexual desire discrepancy are among the most common complaints in people seeking help in therapy. The aims of the current study were to test a mediation model using a bootstrapping procedure where the quality of the dyadic sexual communication plays a key role in increasing or diminishing the degree of perceived sexual desire discrepancy through sexual satisfaction. An online survey was administered through social media to N = 369 participants involved in a romantic relationship, measuring the quality of dyadic sexual communication, sexual satisfaction, the degree of the perceived sexual desire discrepancy, and a series of relevant covariates. As expected, the mediation model showed that a better quality of dyadic sexual communication is related to a lower degree of perceived sexual desire discrepancy through increased sexual satisfaction (β = -0.17, SE = 0.05, [95% CI = -0.27, -0.07]). The effect held over and above the effect of the relevant covariates. The theoretical and practical implications of the present study are discussed.

Sexual Desire Mediates the Relationship-Promoting Effects of Perceived Partner Mate Value

Although sexual desire for one's partner is theorized to serve as a gut-level indicator of partner mate value that motivates investment in valued partners, there is scant empirical evidence to support this hypothesis. Five studies addressed this possibility, examining whether experiencing sexual desire encouraged the enactment of relationship-promoting behaviors and whether perceptions of partner mate value motivated this proposed process. In a pilot study and Study 1, participants relived an activity they experienced with their partner, which was either sexual or non-sexual. Then, participants rated their desire to engage in sex and other non-sexual relationship-promoting activities with their partner (pilot study) and their partner's responsiveness to personal disclosures. Participants' enacted responsiveness was also evaluated by judges (Study 1). Results showed that experiences of desire enhanced relationship-promoting tendencies. Using experimental, daily experiences, and longitudinal methods, Studies 2-4 extended these findings, indicating that both manipulated and perceived partner mate value predicted desire, which, in turn, was associated with engagement in relationship-promoting behaviors. These findings demonstrate that sexual desire functions as a mechanism encouraging investment in partners who are perceived to be worth pursuing and retaining.

Attachment Orientation Moderates the Sexual and Relational Implications of Sexual Desire Discrepancies

We examined the degree and direction of sexual desire discrepancies (SDD) between partners and how this relates to sexual function, sexual satisfaction, relationship satisfaction in 100 Saudi Arabian couples, taking into account both partners' attachment orientation. Men and women reported better outcomes when they matched on higher levels of sexual desire. In case of a mismatch, women reported higher sexual satisfaction when their partner's level of sexual desire was higher than their own. Attachment anxiety and avoidance moderated the associations between SDD and the outcome variables. This study offers unique information on SDD in couples with strong gender role expectations and cultural restrictions regarding sexuality. Therapeutic interventions should be directed at understanding the attachment meaning of sexual desire.

Ebbs and Flows of Desire: A Qualitative Exploration of Contextual Factors Affecting Sexual Desire in Bisexual, Lesbian, and Straight Women

Previous research has found that sexual desire ebbs and flows over time within and across relationships, leading to instances of desire discrepancy. The purpose of the present study was to understand factors that may contribute to desire and desire discrepancy and examine differences and similarities across women from diverse sexual identity groups. The present qualitative study involved semi-structured interviews with 31 women (10 bisexual, 8 lesbian, and 13 straight). We identified six main themes (changes across lifespan, hormonal influences, mental and physical health, objective of desire, partner dynamics, external factors) with 21 subthemes. The findings showed more similarities between the women than differences.

Sexual Desire Discrepancy: A Position Statement of the European Society for Sexual Medicine

Introduction

There is a lack of theoretical and empirical knowledge on how sexual desire functions and interacts in a relationship.

Aim

To present an overview of the current conceptualization and operationalization of sexual desire discrepancy (SDD), providing clinical recommendations on behalf of the European Society of Sexual Medicine.

Methods

A comprehensive Pubmed, Web of Science, Medline, and Cochrane search was performed. Consensus was guided by a critical reflection on selected literature on SDD and by interactive discussions between expert psychologists, both clinicians and researchers.

Main Outcome Measure

Several aspects have been investigated including the definition and operationalization of SDD and the conditions under which treatment is required.

Results

Because the literature on SDD is scarce and complicated, it is precocious to make solid statements on SDD. Hence, no recommendations as per the Oxford 2011 Levels of Evidence criteria were possible. However, specific statements on this topic, summarizing the ESSM position, were provided. This resulted in an opnion-based rather than evidence-based position statement. Following suggestions were made on how to treat couples who are distressed by SDD: (i) normalize and depathologize variation in sexual desire; (ii) educate about the natural course of sexual desire; (iii) emphasize the dyadic, age-related, and relative nature of SDD; (iv) challenge the myth of spontaneous sexual desire; (v) promote open sexual communication; (vi) assist in developing joint sexual scripts that are mutually satisfying in addition to search for personal sexual needs; (vii) deal with relationship issues and unmet relationship needs; and (viii) stimulate self-differentiation.

Conclusion

More research is needed on the conceptualization and underlying mechanisms of SDD to develop clinical guidelines to treat couples with SDD.

Marieke D, Joana G, Giovanni C, et al. Sexual Desire Discrepancy: A Position Statement of the European Society for Sexual Medicine. J Sex Med 2020;8:121–131.

Using spectral and cross-spectral analysis to identify patterns and synchrony in couples' sexual desire

Sexual desire discrepancy is one of the most frequently reported sexual concerns for individuals and couples and has been shown to be negatively associated with sexual and relationship satisfaction. Sexual desire has increasingly been examined as a state-like construct that ebbs and flows, but little is known about whether there are patterns in the fluctuation of sexual desire. Utilizing spectral and cross-spectral analysis, we transformed 30 days of dyadic daily diary data for perceived levels of sexual desire for a non-clinical sample of 133 couples (266 individuals) into the frequency domain to identify shared periodic state fluctuations in sexual desire. Spectral analysis is a technique commonly used in physics and engineering that allows time series data to be analyzed for the presence of regular cycles of fluctuation. Cross-spectral analysis allows for dyadic data to be analyzed for shared rates of fluctuation between partners as well as the degree of (a)synchrony (or phase shift) between these fluctuations. Men and women were found to exhibit fluctuations in sexual desire at various frequencies including rates of once and twice per month, and to have sexual desire that was unlikely to fluctuate over periods of three days or less and therefore exhibited persistence. Similar patterns of fluctuation were exhibited within couples and these patterns were found to be largely synchronous. While instances of desire discrepancy may arise due to differences in rates of sexual desire fluctuation and random fluctuations, such instances may be normal for romantic relationships. The results have important implications for researchers, clinicians, and educators in that they corroborate the supposition that sexual desire ebbs and flows and suggest that it does so with predictable regularity.

Maintaining Sexual Desire in Long-Term Relationships: A Systematic Review and Conceptual Model

The most universally experienced sexual response is sexual desire. Though research on this topic has increased in recent years, low and high desire are still problematized in clinical settings and the broader culture. However, despite knowledge that sexual desire ebbs and flows both within and between individuals, and that problems with sexual desire are strongly linked to problems with relationships, there is a critical gap in understanding the factors that contribute to maintaining sexual desire in the context of relationships. This article offers a systematic review of the literature to provide researchers, educators, clinicians, and the broader public with an overview and a conceptual model of nonclinical sexual desire in long-term relationships. First, we systematically identified peer-reviewed, English-language articles that focused on the maintenance of sexual desire in the context of nonclinical romantic relationships. Second, we reviewed a total of 64 articles that met inclusion criteria and synthesized them into factors using a socioecological framework categorized as individual, interpersonal, and societal in nature. These findings are used to build a conceptual model of maintaining sexual desire in long-term relationships. Finally, we discuss the limitations of the existing research and suggest clear directions for future research.

Using Emotionally Focused Therapy to Treat Sexual Desire Discrepancy in Couples

Couples in committed relationships encounter a multitude of issues. According to Metz and McCarthy (2010), when couples report high sexual satisfaction, it accounts for 15% to 20% of their overall relationship satisfaction. However, when couples report low sexual satisfaction, it contributes 50% to 70% of their overall satisfaction with their partner. Issues of sexual desire, currently referred to as sexual desire discrepancy, are among the most difficult to treat. Although there are many factors contributing to the issue of sexual desire discrepancy, current literature highlights the importance of emotional intimacy as an outcome and predictor of increased sexual desire. Given the complex nature of sexual desire, clinicians often lack the understanding and treatment options that are systemic. By viewing sexual desire discrepancy as a relational problem that can be treated using emotionally focused therapy, clinicians are better equipped to work with emotional and sexual factors that impact desire and couple distress.

Multifaceted Sexual Desire and Hormonal Associations: Accounting for Social Location, Relationship Status, and Desire Target

Sexual desire is typically measured as a unitary erotic phenomenon and is often assumed by biological and biomedical researchers, as well as the lay public, to be directly connected to physiological parameters like testosterone (T). In the present study, we empirically examined how conceptualizing sexual desire as multifaceted might clarify associations with T and contextual variables. To do so, we used the Sexual Desire Questionnaire (DESQ), which assesses multifaceted dyadic sexual desire, to explore how contextual variables such as social location, relationship status, and desire target (e.g., partner vs. stranger) might be meaningful for reports of sexual desire and associated hormonal correlations. We focused on women (N = 198), because sexual desire and testosterone are generally unlinked in healthy men. Participants imagined a partner or stranger while answering the 65 DESQ items and provided a saliva sample for hormone assay. Analyses showed that the DESQ factored differently for the current sample than in previous research, highlighting how sexual desire can be constructed differently across different populations. We also found that, for the Intimacy, Eroticism, and Partner Focus factors, mean scores were higher when the desire target was a partner relative to a stranger for participants in a relationship, but equally high between partner versus stranger target for single participants. DESQ items resolved into meaningful hormonal desire components, such that high endorsement of Fantasy Experience was linked to higher T, and higher cortisol was linked with lower endorsement of the Intimacy factor. We argue that conceptualizing desire as multifaceted and contextualized when assessing hormonal links-or questions in general about desire-can clarify some of its complexities and lead to new research avenues.

The Fragile Spell of Desire: A Functional Perspective on Changes in Sexual Desire Across Relationship Development

The sexual behavioral system evolved to motivate reproductive acts by arousing sexual desire. Building on the idea that this system has also been "exploited" by evolutionary processes to promote enduring bonds between romantic partners, the present article introduces an integrative model that delineates the functional significance of sexual desire in relationship formation and maintenance. This model explains why individuals' sexual reaction to their partner is context-dependent, clarifying how changes in the nature of interdependence over the course of relationships alter the ways in which specific predictors of sexual desire tend to promote (or inhibit) desire and thereby affect relationship depth and stability. The model postulates that although desire influences the development of attachment bonds, the contribution that it makes varies over the course of relationships. The model also provides new insight regarding fundamental but unresolved issues in human sexuality, such as the vulnerability of sexual desire and the desire-intimacy paradox.

Momentary Desire for Sexual Intercourse and Momentary Emotional Intimacy Associated With Perceived Relationship Quality and Physical Intimacy in Heterosexual Emerging Adult Couples

Sexual desire and emotional intimacy are central to relationships, yet little is known about how these feelings vary within and between partners or relate to dyad functioning. We explored magnitude and stability of momentary sexual desire and emotional intimacy in relation to quality and functioning of heterosexual relationships. After reporting perceived relationship quality and physical intimacy enjoyment, members of 18 emerging adult heterosexual couples reported momentary partner-specific sexual desire and emotional intimacy several times a day for two weeks (2,224 reports). Mean and mean squared successive difference (MSSD) characterized magnitude and stability, respectively, of the momentary states. Regression models of relationship outcomes examined influence of the male versus female partner having greater or more stable desire and intimacy. Sexual desire and emotional intimacy magnitude and stability were associated with relationship quality and physical intimacy enjoyment differently for men versus women. Gender-specific differences between partners also predicted relationship outcomes. Men particularly perceived higher relationship quality and enjoyed physical intimacy more when they had higher and more stable sexual desire and their female partners had more stable emotional intimacy. Partner differences in momentary sexual desire and emotional intimacy may contribute to understanding quality and functioning of heterosexual relationships.

Is committed desire intentional? A qualitative exploration of sexual desire and differentiation of self in couples

The question of what heightens or diminishes sexual desire has long been a passionate theme across cultures in literature, arts, media, and medicine. Yet, little research has been conducted to determine what affects level of desire within couples. The degree of differentiation of self has been suggested as an important variable in shaping partners' level of desire. Through a qualitative analysis of dyadic couple interviews, this study provides an account of characteristics, processes, and trajectories of sexual desire and differentiation in 33 heterosexual couples of varying ages and relationship duration. Factors associated with high desire were change and autonomy, whereas conflict and children were reported to be desire-diminishing factors. Innovation, sharing, autonomy, and effort emerged as desire-promoting strategies, while fostering personal interests, investing in a positive connection, and enhancing personal integrity were identified as couples' strategies to promote and preserve differentiation of self. The results also shed light on couples' perceptions of whether and how sexual desire changes over the course of the relationship and challenge common cultural assumptions about desire in committed relationships-namely the myth that the only authentic expression of desire is that which occurs spontaneously and without intention and planning. Implications for couple therapy are discussed.

Role of Partner Novelty in Sexual Functioning: A Review

This review investigates whether sexual desire and arousal decline in response to partner familiarity, increase in response to partner novelty, and show differential responding in men and women. These questions were considered through the perspective of two leading evolutionary theories regarding human mating strategies: sexual strategies theory and attachment fertility theory. The hypotheses emerging from these theories were evaluated through a critical analysis of several areas of research including habituation of arousal to erotic stimuli, preferences regarding number of sexual partners, the effect of long-term monogamous relationships on sexual arousal and desire, and prevalence and risk factors associated with extradyadic behavior. The current literature best supports the predictions made by sexual strategies theory in that sexual functioning has evolved to promote short-term mating. Sexual arousal and desire appear to decrease in response to partner familiarity and increase in response to partner novelty in men and women. Evidence to date suggests this effect may be greater in men.

Sexual desire discrepancy as a feature, not a bug, of long-term relationships: women's self-reported strategies for modulating sexual desire

INTRODUCTION

Sexual desire discrepancy is commonly reported by couples in long-term romantic relationships. Given the idiosyncratic nature of desire, and the lack of a "one size fits all" model approach to address desire concerns, it is useful to understand more about the range of ways that women and their partners modulate sexual desire.

AIM

This study aims to assess women's strategies to influence their sexual desire and the self-reported effectiveness of these strategies.

METHODS

One hundred seventy-nine women who had been in a relationship with a male partner for 5+ years completed an anonymous Internet-based survey.

MAIN OUTCOME MEASURES

Participants responded to three open-ended items about the strategies they use to address desire issues and how helpful those strategies are.

RESULTS

The most common responses regarding what participants did to get desire back on track included: communication, trying to meet partner's needs, having sex without desire, and having patience/letting time work out the problem. Women also mentioned several specific strategies they had employed: communication, scheduling sex, lingerie, and a date night. However, a large number of women discussed that the issue was not resolved, and they were dissatisfied with attempted strategies.

CONCLUSIONS

This research provides valuable insight into the construction of women's sexual desire and the strategies used to navigate sexual desire in long-term relationships.